Although the essentials aren’t needed, they sit heavy in my backpack and act as a necessity to my mind. If I could throw it all away I would, but I’m not there yet. I’m not free enough, I still conform to the poisons that have been engrained in me. Although the layers are heavy, I consciously peel them, day in and day out. It will be only moments until I am that of a molten rock, held by nothing, free of everything!
I had once heard of it, but never saw the place where all things come true. I could imagine a place covered in palm trees, purifying the air for all life to breathe. A place where blue sky’s scream your name aligning back to your path. A place where the sun rejuvenates your skin and turns the darkness you had been running from to a light that you now run to. A place with a prideful breeze, one that doesn’t quit, one that doesn’t ever give up. I know this place exists, I will go there when I can, I will stay there as long as I can.
For a second in my mind, the path deceived me. It convinced me that it was going to be impossible, that it was going to take a lifetime. It told me there were no guarantees and no second chances. Standing desolate as high wooden walls constructed in my mind, a sense of incompleteness took me away, bringing me to a place of clarity. No walls here, just love and authenticity. I knew what I had to do, I knew it was time. For a second in my mind, the path deceived me.
In a time where we are all shrinking, don’t look past growth. For although it might look small, there is always a progression behind the scenes. Like all things in nature, cause and effect does it’s part. If he is angry, she is calm. If he is sad, she is happy. Opposites attract and duality must exist. It is inevitable that in a time of shrinking, there is a time of growing.
Streets run longer, further, brighter and more alive than the fainting heartbeat in my chest. Maybe these streets can save me. I hope its vibes lift me, or at least lift my spirits to the unconditional motivation I used to generate, longing for forgiveness and the need to be relevant. My intention was to always be significant, but maybe I was stirred in the wrong direction. Maybe these streets can guide me to the significance I always strove to be. I will follow the signs of these streets, in hopes they lead me to a bigger truth. The stoplights will be my mentor. I will speed up when the light is green, with all my love that is currently being preserved in the core of my insecurities. I will slow down when the light is yellow, take it all in, acknowledge my gratitude. I will stop when the light is red, I will stop everything. Tell the girl I have known for so long, the same one I have countlessly smiled to as I laid in been dreaming. The same one that has uncovered the life in me. The life that had been lying dormant underneath the flesh of my skin since the last time I saw her. I will not only stop and tell her I love her, but I will tell closest loved ones that I love them as well. I will tell them two times, maybe even three. I will even go out of my way to tell them. The red light will allow me to marinate in love. Then when the light turns green, I will do it all again. Streets run longer, further, brighter and more alive than the fainting heartbeat in my chest. Maybe these streets can save me. I know they will.
In a city full of burdens, he reaches out and breaks free from the 22nd floor of the ballroom meeting. Filled with bosses and clients who hide from their own burdens, it is no wonder they all reside in the city. Masking the pain of the past, the city drowns them in uncertainty. The minds engulfed with the anxieties of making it to the train station on time, earning a big raise in their job, and making it to grandma’s house on time to play cards because she is one of the last things that makes them feel like a kid again, they cling to the one thing they need the least. If I can just make a little more money, everything will fall into place, thought the middle aged man who has been working at the same job for the last 20 years. Society has showed him that the green paper with a face printed on it is the end all be all, but this time he is tired. It has been a lifetime and he still hasn’t stopped to take a breath, he can’t stop running from commitment. He has seen smiles turn to stones, mostly so in himself. He wants change but the city lights are so bright and the breeze from the lake is so perfect as the hair follicles on his skin dance to the wind. The big fluorescent pizza shop sign on the corner brings him back to his childhood. The same pizza parlor he ate at with his cousin every Friday night before they hit the town in attempts to get lucky. He is too comfortable, comfortable of running to death and cheating life. In a city full of burdens, he reaches out and breaks free from the 22nd floor of the ballroom meeting. He looks out the window, he is okay, his life is okay, he will do the same thing next week.