I had to sacrifice everything I knew, the imaginary wall to move in the right direction, to take care of myself, my body, my mind, my spirit. I had to withdraw from the race, go the opposite way of the finish line back to the starting point. Some would say I was going backwards, but I knew going backwards actually meant I was going forwards.
Coming back to what you thought you already knew could teach you more than you thought you could ever know. When all of this is confirmed, one will find out the finish line and the starting point are illusions, the journey was all there was and ever will be, all you have to do is be, and by being you will always love and be loved, by being you will always be love.
We have known every truth since we were put on earth. As we grow, we learn surface layer truths disguising us from the actual picture to allow us to fit into a society not meant for the human being. If we live out the same truth we understood since day one, we would not fit into society, we are taught this is bad so we twinkle around the truth and play the lost card just so we could fit in. Some twinkle around the truth and then become too consumed in their role they are playing. Then we build something to mimic the truth, something that is not quite the purest form, but is the closest to it. We use our love to navigate this platform we have built and then we attach to it and forget our pure truth again. Always remember we have it all, build a platform, have fun, and move with love, then do it all again. If it all fails, cool, do it again, then don’t do it anymore, then do it again. Love some more, love yourself, then love her and love him, then love yourself again! Enjoy, have fun, love!
The city teaches shallow. If only I was as gorgeous as it, then people would love me. They would love me not for what I am, but they would love me for what I am worth. They would love me for the the things I own. They would love me for how I look. They wouldn’t love the deep depths of me I carry around on a daily basis. They wouldn’t love me for the battles in my head I have countlessly won day after day. They would love the surface. To them that is enough, to them they would die for that. The city doesn’t cheat artificial validation, but it does give glimpses of hope. Maybe if we swam to the center and understood the intentions of the foundation it was built on. Maybe if we looked at the ideas behind the madness and unmasked the core. Maybe too, we will glow like the city. We will stand out and reflect rays of sunshine the way the glass buildings do so on a breezy summer night. Maybe letting go is all we need. Maybe internal reflection is the key. Maybe dreams do come true. In the city I know they do.
It’s fine, I never needed them anyway can only take you so far its best to put down that drink and remove yourself from the bar.
It’s only a matter of time til your pride runs out of stamina and your ego hits a wall, when the day is said and done it is up to your heart to be the one to call.
Although they weren’t always fair, they were always there.
The things they did were not okay but they still were there to say hello how was your day?
Running to peace, you went the wrong way. Unlimited attempts to keep painful thoughts at bay.
You were avoidant, you put on a front, you made excuses, you weren’t upfront.
You were in an uncontrolled spiral, looking for home base. It took you years and years to decide you wanted to go the right way.
Thoughts grew darker, heart grew sharper, everything you thought you were no longer defined you, god by you side, you no longer hide, it has always been you two, together you will surrender to the heavens above and allow forgiveness to smother you with love.
Unfaithful kings and broken wings, I search for you to see the brighter things, cherish me in the crispiest cold springs, until love is served from what the sun brings, and men propose to angels with the prettiest rings.
Dirty influences and a bottle of wine. Hard to keep you out of my mind, I still fall asleep. You couldn’t afford sobriety, addictions made you broke. Take what you need, I’m steady, take what you want, I’m golden. Convincing myself til night rolls around and the dusk offers loneliness. The sun gone, I stay lit, a bright candle. You use me to read, to learn, I guide you relentlessly, I almost forget to guide myself. A codependent light can only go so far until the light centers itself back on its source and regains its virility. Like an island filled with brush, I center myself from all lacking energies. My independency becomes your grounding, I hope you grow, I hope you dream, I hope you learn. Bask yourself in ambition, be my twin, grow next to me. I want to see you dance, like the last flower in the field, roots too strong to decay, forever standing sturdy. You will be the lesson for the next, a key for the broken door, opening the fences in minds that have kept their truest selves hidden from the light. You will transform the world, I will give you the energy!
5 times out of 10 I dream of a memory with you. The other half I wonder, in efforts to get back to the fantasy. A perfected plan for perfection, take me back to nostalgia. Copy and paste my past memories to my present state and carry it into my future until all of it is smothered and decorated with the purest form of love. When all is achieved, I will be, we will all be.