You knew what you were doing when you led me pass your boundaries to the very center of your world. The depths of your heart into the forgiving fortress of your soul. I’ve always sensed your pleasure to live, but I never saw it until now and wow is it bright. It is everything I thought it was and then some. I couldn’t have dreamt of anything like it because my mind never stored any visuals that were so amazing, so gorgeous, breathtaking. Although I’ve been alive for decades, it feels like today was the day I just started living, thank you!
Like some of the hardest drugs, I was addicted to needing money. Needing money for things I didn’t need. Addicted to the rush of external validation. An imagined woah from the crowd of people I felt were always critiquing me. Wylin to feel the deja vu of my youth I fell victim to an uncontrolled cycle of poison. Shoes, shoes, shoes, make me feel young again, make my feel full again, take me back to a better place. I stay begging, I stay craving, like some of the hardest drugs, I need money for shoes.
In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore. Even though the lights fill my room with just enough brightness to make the outside look beautiful, I still look in. Temptations can’t tempt me anymore. The vibrations thumping through my veins are too powerful now. I used to feel like I was letting them down, but the more I push myself the more I realize I am lifting them up. When I feel like things are lost in my life, like they are playing hide and seek, I always find them inward. It is there turn to be it, there turn to come and find the bond I have with my heart. That’s all there is anymore, is a strong unbreakable bond between my head and my heart. I used to have thoughts that I was completely incomplete, but now I know the thoughts in my head are just words from a lost cause. The only words I pay attention to now are the ones that reside in my heart. In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore.
You were a fire burnt out, a star that didn’t shine, a lion that didn’t growl, stagnant. It took me a lifetime to realize I couldn’t give you what you were looking for, I could only be an example. The moment I let it be was the moment I became the purest example there was. It was that exact moment I had to take off my jacket, put on sunglasses, and cover my ears. Preceding events to the biggest smile across my face.
Skin dryer than the city air, he sits alone at his desk fending off the branched off doubts of his ambitions. He craves energy, so he looks to the sun. Rays reflecting off the skyscraper windows, he walks amongst zombies disguised as people. The city has become a breeding ground for this type. Somewhere along the way, they buried their love, to a place deeper than their hearts, deeper than the most central cells of their body. He doesn’t want to fall into this trap, but it is almost inevitable as the city is powerful. His ambitions become his only hope as they are the only testament to carry out his hearts intentions of love. A level head allows a heart submerged with love to breakthrough from the depths of the furthest wall the city has constructed inside him. Will he allow his heart to break the walls down or will he suppress and conform to the zombies of the city? Although the branched off doubts of his ambitions are stronger than most, the rays still reflect strong off the windows of the tower turning the dryness of his skin to a moist layer of hope. He is ready for the test, he is ready for the city.
Giving giving giving, to myself first always. Growing what was once faint inside me to an illustrious energy, similar to that of a sunflower. It was as if I waited forever, until I realized eternity didn’t have a clock. Forever was now and now was forever, the energy was and is always growing, always nurturing, and the times when I felt like it was gone was a reminder for me to understand that it never left. I will always give, and then I will give more!
Going wild, because I can’t take away the marks. Every mark you left on me reminds me of all the love you left with me, as the marks go unmatched, unparalleled to the feelings I have had before. I am convinced that going wild is the only cure for me. Take away all the anxieties, the fear of being lost, the fear of failure, the fear of success. I am for certain this feeling is the only truth as I feel my heart beat surge with a little bit of insanity mixed with a whole lot of fulfillment. Until the clock strikes infinity, until the moment doesn’t move, I will keep your marks of love, I will always be going wild.
Tears push against my face like the waves push against the beaches. They wear on me, neutralizing me to the way I was meant to be. With every drop, I feel a little less further. Gaining ground with every breakthrough, I can empathize with beaches and the way they feel when they are weathered and eroded. After every time the waves hit the sand, a new formation is formed, giving light to a new sandcastle, each sandcastle paving the way to a new memory. These waves are good, these tears will transcend me.
I had once heard of it, but never saw the place where all things come true. I could imagine a place covered in palm trees, purifying the air for all life to breathe. A place where blue sky’s scream your name aligning back to your path. A place where the sun rejuvenates your skin and turns the darkness you had been running from to a light that you now run to. A place with a prideful breeze, one that doesn’t quit, one that doesn’t ever give up. I know this place exists, I will go there when I can, I will stay there as long as I can.